I am not religious. My parents were both raised Catholic, but stopped going to church after they were married. As a result, they did not raise my brother or I with any formal religious training or beliefs. I did not grow up believing in any formal notion of a higher power.
I spent my youth questioning why my friends were attending services that they didn’t quite understand or believe in. I found that to be the norm, rather than the rule, most of the time. It made me sad that my friends would be “forced" to go to services on the weekend, rather than look forward to it. If it wasn’t something you got something out of, than why do it, I thought? Of course, as they got older, many chose for themselves. I respect my friends who attend their places of worship now because they truly find meaning in it - not because it is “the right thing to do."
Growing up without that foundation, I became a seeker. I took advantage of attending a variety of services with friends as I got older, to see what I could learn, and what I was missing out on. I still love going to christenings, bar mitzvahs, etc. if for no other reason than to peer into worlds I have such limited knowledge about. I think to be a good world citizen, it’s important to be educated about the world around me, and people’s different views. And it is important for me that my children build that understanding too, even if they don’t share the beliefs. It’s vital to me that all of us are open minded, tolerant and have good a good moral compass - even if we don’t pray to a defined being as other do.
Over the years from all that listening and learning, I’ve formed my own ideals about right and wrong, doing good, giving back, forgiveness and having an open heart. In essence, I formed my own notion of what religion means to me. It just does not involved me sitting in a building every week. Crazy as it might sound, many of its ideals were based on everything I learned about Nelson Mandela. While our lives could not be more different, he is a man I aspire to be like every day.
I remember learning of Mr. Mandela’s imprisonment while I was in college, and his release was imminent. As I was a student at the time, in a city filled with political news, it was impossible not to pay attention. But as I paid attention, I was drawn into his incredible story. How this man could be imprisoned for 27 years during the years of apartheid, and then subsequently forgive his captors post-release, I was in awe. And then to gain the respect and lead that country as its president is just exceptional. He’s gone on to be one of the most recognized advocates for peace and equality in the world. And he’s an incredible example that one person can in fact make a difference.
And now that his life is coming to an end, he has weighed heavy on my mind this week. I have revisited my favorite books about him, and made a donation in his honor. The way he chose to live his life - with courage, wisdom, hope, love and with some flaws too, that speaks to me. That’s someone to admire. And while no mere mortal is a deity, he is a tangible example of what a better place the world would be if differences would be put aside and understanding took center stage.
I’m sure to those devout among you, my above statements may sound naive or even offensive. But to someone who grew up with nothing formal, I’ve gravitated to the real and tangible. I’ll never be sure if I missed out by not having grown up with formal religion. However, what I’ve gained from learning from my diverse group of friends, and taking lessons from people like Mr. Mandela…I think I’m doing ok.
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