In yesterday’s post, I took a challenge from a friend, and responded to HIS female friend’s idea of 4 things MEN should be good at. My 4 things were purely subjective and clearly my own opinion. My thoughts, and I own them. I encouraged you to share, and share you did.
One of the interesting parts of this “experiment” is that regardless of whether people “like” me on FB or officially follow me on Tumblr, I know how many of you are reading me on a daily basis from my Google analytics data. (and it’s a lot) And while I started doing this strictly for myself, understanding how people respond is really interesting to me. I’m baring my soul, and sharing some pretty candid stuff…but the majority of you ping me via IM or carrier pigeon to share your thoughts - never publicly. No matter - you didn’t agree to “go public” - I did. I’m just glad you are sharing what you think with me in whatever forum you choose to. But I thought that was an interesting thing to note. So I just noted :)
WIth that, a new friend challenged me back. He asked me to come up with my idea of what I think women should be good at.
CHRISTINA’S LIST OF 4 THINGS WOMEN SHOULD BE GOOD AT
(note, I have already put on my flak jacket for the shrapnel I am waiting for women to hurl my way). But, never to back down from a challenge, here we go.
1. Women Should Be Good At Letting Men Be Men. It is wonderful if you find a “soulmate”, and your man truly becomes your best friend. But never confuse your man being your best friend with him being your best girlfriend. I know few straight men who truly enjoy shopping with us for extended periods of time. Who really want to hear about the bitchy woman who annoyed you at the gym. Who really want to watch the Lifetime channel with you. And it’s ok. It doesn’t mean your relationship is souring if you have different interests and hobbies. It means you respect each other. It is my belief that men enjoy football on Sundays not just for the love of the game. It’s because they get a day to truly be men. Hang with the guys. Eat and drink what they want. Not feel like they are tied down for those few precious hours (admit it, even the happiest people fantasize about the ability to do whatever they want - the elusive concept of “freedom”.) And women need to respect that, honor that and support that. Not be threatened by it. And we need that too.
2. Women Need to Be Good At Loving Who They Are. We are bombarded with images starting in childhood about what’s beautiful and desirable. We stare at anorexic models, compare ourselves, and diet and exercise to try to compete. It took me decades to get my head around the fact that I’m 5’2” and will NEVER have long, sexy legs, no matter how much I work out. I’m okay with that now. It took a long time.
And forget growing old gracefully…parties are thrown to inject chemicals in our faces to freeze a wrinkle. We spend billions chasing beauty, and we are never satisfied. Ultimately, I truly believe it starts from the inside. If you actually like yourself, it shows. Of course, let’s assume every woman is taking a reasonable approach to a healthy lifestyle and appearance in general (we all need to make some form of effort as a baseline.) I’ve yet to meet a man who turns down a lovely women who is attractive, smart, witty and charming…because she is a size 8 instead of a size 4 or she has a wrinkle or two. So ahead and split that dessert with your girlfriend tonight, and keep laughing and having fun. If you are happy and confident with who you are, that beauty shines from the inside out.
3. A Woman Should Be Good At Knowing Who She Is.This is may be a bit of a lightening rod. But I think it’s important in light of so many conversations I have had lately. With impressive women. So many of us - even later in life - seem to still be trying to figure out who we are, what we stand for, and what will truly make us happy. We, as a overblown general statement, give so much of ourselves (to our families, to work, to friends, etc.) that we sometimes lose ourselves in that process. I can typically tell a really happy woman. She doesn’t sweat the small stuff. She’s able to look at the big picture, whether its work, family, friends, a hobby, whatever - and try to figure out some balance. I have one friend who does this brilliantly. She’s got more going on that any other woman I know, and she finds balance. And she loves her husband, and is genuinely happy being a mom. She is an incredible friend to a cast of thousands, and she is always laughing. I’m sure she’d be the first to tell you her life isn’t perfect, but she has an incredible sense of who she is, and you she just radiates confidence and happiness.
4. Same as the guys from yesterday’s post. A Woman Should Be Good In Bed. But I’m going actually elaborate and be tougher on woman here. I am in an incredibly unique situation as I have many male friends who lovingly call me “the dude with boobs.” I know stuff I probably shouldn’t about their marriages/relationships, but I am honored they are comfortable sharing it - because they are seeking advice from other side and I can help provide some insight from a woman’s point of view. So a few things I’ve learned and would like to share from my male friends, and from my own experience about how women should think about the bedroom.
- No bait and switch. Trying to wow him with all your “tricks” to land him, and then turning that switch off the day you say "I do" is fraudulent. Shame on you. If you did it, go back to doing it.
- Lose the pajamas. Everything is hot when you are first with someone. But after a while together, things go from silk to flannel to padlocks. Lose the pajamas altogether. Way more liklihood of stuff happening if you are naked in bed together. And yes, we are all tired after a long day…but once things get started, everyone wakes up.
- No dogs/no kids in the bed. Unless someone is deathly ill, this is a recipe for no sex. Bed is for couples and sleeping, not for dogs and kids. No matter how cute and snuggly they are.
- You know you want to. EVERYONE in the world read 50 Shades of Grey, including my mom and her friends. There was a reason you did. Get a little freaky. Doesn’t mean you need to get into hardcore, crazy stuff, but mix it up a little. Everything gets boring and stale, even with someone you love, if you don’t keep it fresh and interesting.
And that’s all I got. Ok, go. Anxious to hear the feedback on this one. I think.
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