Day 1 of The 365 Day Experiment. She's Running WIth Scissors. Again.

She's running with scissors. Again.

The past year has been a blur.  I went from what most would consider “having it all” - great husband, two amazing daughters, a job I am passionate about and a gaggle of great friends - to a world turned upside down in a matter of months.  Does it get better? I believe it does.  But first you have to look in the mirror and do the gut check.

Zoom ahead a few months.  I asked the tough questions and it resulted in my husband of 17 years leaving.  Would have been nice if he had stuck around and attempted to work on that which was broken?  Without a doubt.  Am I bitter?  Nope.  After the tears dried, I am now choosing to to look only at the silver linings. I got almost two decades with someone I loved, and two incredible children out of that union.  We will be tied together through them forever so no use fighting.  It’s not always perfect, but we are pretty good at being friends now.  And the best silver lining of all - I get a love do-over. What’s not exciting about the prospect of that?

Before I go there, let me set expectations.  I am pretty private.  For me to put myself out there in this public way is about as “not-me” as it gets.  And yet I have retreated over the past year and that’s pretty uncool too.  I am not the sort of girl who relies on others to help carry her through good times and bad - I just power through.  But now that I’m through the other side, I thought I’d take a bit of time and share some of the journey I’ve been on over the past year.  And am about to embark on.  

Perhaps no one will read it and it will just be cathartic for me.  Perhaps it will be sad.  Perhaps it will be slightly entertaining.  Once thing is for sure - it will be honest.

Here are my ground rules for myself:

1. I’ll never bad mouth my ex.  He’s a good guy.  It’s in my past.  It’s over. Move on.  

2.  I will never use real people’s names unless I get permission to.  I would hate to be out there in someone’s story - so I won’t do it to them.

3.  I’ll give you enough so you feel like you know me.  But not so much that I feel like I haven’t saved the best stuff for just me.

4.  I’m going to be disciplined.  If I write even a little bit every day for a year, I think I will be astonished by how much my life has changed by the end of next April (2014).  I thrive on change.

And that’s it.  

As for the title of this post, when Dances With Wolves came out, my friends and I picked Native American names.  Mine was “Runs With Scissors.”  I was both pissed and excited when Augusten Burrough’s fabulous book “Running With Scissors” came out several years later.  Great book, but it forever stole my name.  I’ll explain the new one another time…