I’ve made it through my first month of writing and posting every single day for thirty days straight. If I was an alcoholic I suppose I would attend a meeting, proclaim my achievement and be rewarded with a chip. Instead, I am sitting at my kitchen table at a quiet moment reflecting, “My name is Christina, and I have publicly shared a whole host of personal stuff about myself over the past month. Holy s*it”.” And you have responded with “Hello, Christina.” And some of you have responded with far more.
So I’ll use this day to pause and reflect on exactly what I have learned over the past month about myself, to check and see if this “experiment” has had any merit to it or not.
1) If you put yourself out there, people are even more willing to share. I fancied myself a master at getting people to open up and share. It’s core to my job, and it’s carried over into my personal life. But I’ve learned if I am willing to open up a little more about myself, people open the flood gates. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or bad, but I’m feeling pretty in tune with the balanced human connection thing right now.
2) Everyone handles their stuff differently. I have heard from so many old friends and acquaintances who are now in the process of getting divorced, or have been recently, who have shared their stories with me. Apparently, we all handle it differently. And that’s ok. Just as I choose not to judge how each mother chooses to operate, I’m not going to judge how people get over someone they’ve loved for a long time. I think I have learned about myself, however, that I have a pretty positive outlook on life, and I spend a lot of time looking for silver linings in challenging situations.
3) I had no idea how big a role music plays in my life. As I scrolled through the 29 postings that came before this, I thought, “who the hell is this frustrated musician wannabe?” And yet, if I am honest with myself, that has always been there. If I had any talent to speak of, I would have been a musician. But the reality is, the good voice I had as a kid is shot, I can play the guitar a bit, and can keep the beat on my drums. But ultimately, I am talentless. And that’s why I have so much admiration for those with musical gifts. It’s a true talent, and I have complete respect.
4) I am happy. 2012 won’t go down in the history book of my life as a stellar year. But writing over the past month has forced me to reflect and focus on that which is positive in my life. And I have a fantastic life. And I’ve learned when things aren’t fantastic, I do everything in my power to make them that way.
I have two incredible daughters who bring me joy every day. I have meaningful friendships with people who are good to the core. I have a career that I still find meaning and excitement in, every single day. I still look forward to Monday mornings, because I work with people who challenge and inspire me. On top of all that, I’m even meeting new people who are changing my thinking and like me for me.
Prior to 30 days ago, I was a girl who had never kept a childhood diary, or a journal in her life. I never saw the benefit or the necessity of capturing one’s thoughts. They say 21 days of doing anything creates a habit. My new habit of writing every night has gone way beyond the “this might be cathartic” stage. I’ve found a new way to examine myself in the proverbial mirror and get answers I’ve been looking for for years. That’s sure worth the 1/2 hour time commitment at night it takes to type.
And thanks to all of you who have been reading and cheering me along. I’m humbled you take the time to read and comment to me. Only 11 more months to go…
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