Texting has become the easiest form of communication in recent memory. It lets me communicate rapid fire with my kids, colleagues, friends, and even my parents. For simple check-ins or a fun note, it’s awesome. I love to send my older daughter a text when I know she’s standing at the bus stop to brighten her day, or wish her good luck on a test. I love to send my younger daughter funny sentences to decipher using “emoji” characters. I love connecting with my ex about coordinating schedules for the girls without the hassle of actually having to pick up the phone to speak to him, because sometimes that’s still really hard.
When I really hate texting is when it transitions from a fun back and forth into an actual conversation. There is far to much room for misinterpretation, and it’s guaranteed that someone is going to end up upset, misunderstood, get his/her feelings hurt - or any combination of the three.
This has been highlighted to me several times recently. A young woman I am close to and her boyfriend use texting as their main form of communication. A few months ago, they were facing relationship trouble. During that entire time, they texted their way through it. I was floored. They obviously cared so much for each other, but had not picked up the phone or thought to meet in person to work through their challenges. I finally couldn’t stand idly by anymore. I butted in and said, “stop texting and go talk to each other.” And they did. And it worked.
And there are my own relationships. a while back, I was introduced to a guy who looked “great on paper.” We met, and he was a lovely man. I just felt zero spark with him. He texted me the day after our date and asked me out again. Being new to this “dating in the text era” world, I made the assumption that if you ask someone out over text, then you can decline someone over text…which is exactly what I did. I’ll suggest that was not met with a kind reply. I attempted to respond with a kind, well thought out “Thank you so much but this is not meant to be,” kind of vibe, and I got a really nasty response back about wasting his time on the first date. Yowza. I got two, 1/2 hour apart. At first I was really hurt, thinking, what the heck did I do to deserve this? Then I thought, I did NOTHING. This guy is a jerk, my instinct on him was right, and he’s choosing to blow me up via text. What a weenie. I actually did kept a picture of his texts though- I’ll use them later on in life for something, I’m sure.
My last example came as a painful reminder tonight. Someone I care about and I started a simple conversation via text about something meaningless…and it turned from meaningless into a misinterpretation - by me - about something I have a lot of pain around. If we had been talking, I know it never would have escalated to me in tears typing into a phone trying to gain a better understanding of what was being said. A simple “what do you mean?” or even a “what are you thinking?” would have brought immediate clarity to it. But texting, it can be so damn dangerous that way. It starts off innocent, and can take you down a twisty road.
I fear for my daughters, with this form of communication. While I use it frequently, I also spend a large portion of my time in face to face human contact. I don’t think anything can replace that. And when I watch them communicating with their friends via text for too long, I know it’s time to take the phones away and engage them in another activity. Like having those friends over to hang out.
I am a big tech geek, and love advancements just as much as the next nerd. While I like the convenience texting provides us for transactional conversations, I am really beginning to dislike the role it is playing in disrupting the natural course of human relationships.
So, moving forward, if you want to ask a question or have a quick conversation about something trivial, shoot me a text. If you want to have a deeper, more meaningful conversation, pick up the phone…better yet, let’s grab a cup of coffee and discuss in person.
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