There is incredible longevity on both sides of my family. On my mother’s side, her father passed at 82 - the youngest one of my grandparents to go. Her mother, “Grammy,” passed away just two years ago in her mid 90s. My father’s mother, after refusing to see a doctor since the birth of her daughter some 60+ years ago, was admitted and never released at age 93. And then there is Nonno. He recently turned 95.
My father’s father is the quintessential Italian man. As a young man, he was strong and handsome, and he swept my grandmother off her feet. Having lived through the depression, college wasn’t an option for this whip-smart man; but hard work was. He began his career by shoveling steel at US Steel in the plants in Hammond, Indiana. Hard labor, requiring physical strength and emotional fortitude to do the same repetitive work day in and day out. And yet this was in the days of the “start-in-the mailroom” era. My grandfather went from steel worker to running European Operations for the same company. He moved from Hammond to Rome, which is where he lived the majority of my childhood.
This incredible work ethic embedded in my grandfather that allowed him to progress so far in this company translated from he to my father. He taught that nothing was ever handed to you - you worked hard for everything you achieved. My father, while never a physical laborer, adopted the same work ethic while putting himself through MIT with three degrees at lightening speed. And then throughout the course of his incredibly successful business career. And then he passed that same work ethic to my brother and I. I had my first job at 14, as soon as I could start scooping ice cream at Brigham’s.
Now my grandfather is retired, living his final days alone, in an apartment in Florida. His beloved wife of 70+ years passed over a year ago. Until her death he had never cooked or cleaned. He now has to do all of the domestic tasks that were previously done by her, because he refuses to give up his independence and move to a retirement home. I forgot to mention he’s blind, and his two two children don’t live close. So those are the other “genes” passed on from my grandfather through the generations as well. Being completely stubborn and and being too independent for our own good run deep through the Luconi blood. We all recognize it in each other, and we all find it completely irritating in the other people. And yet, it’s an undeniable part of us.
I’ve gotten way better at the stubborn part in my adult life. It’s hard to be stubborn when you have kids, and work with teams (at least if you want to do it well, I’ve learned.) But the “giving up independence” - I have a long way to go there. I challenge myself often. For example, my work/life balance is pretty unbalanced right now. I often forget to eat meals, and exercise is a treat, rather than part of my routine. So tonight I reached out to a super knowledgable friend and said “help me.” Which was a hard thing for me to do. I love helping other people, but I just feel really uncomfortable burdening people with a request. And yet, I know down deep, people like helping just as much as I do. Everyone loves to be needed in some way. And I’m pretty sure any request I ever make of someone is never going to be a super inconvenience for them - but regardless, it’s still hard for me. But I’m trying.
So yeah, I don’t just have the Luconi genes in terms of looks, I have it in terms of character traits. And for better or worse, these tight genes fit me pretty well.
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