…all these lines in my face DO NOT keep getting clearer, as Steven Tyler suggested they did in the opening of “Dream On.” But as I belted out that song this morning during my own private rock concert in my car, it caused me to think. What about the physical mirror gazing vs. the metaphorical introspection?
When I look in the mirror, I know what I see from a surface level. On a bad day, I see an aging woman in need of more sleep, a deep conditioning treatment and a good facial. A few more trips to the gym necessary. My days of getting hollered at by construction workers behind me. On a good day, I see a woman who from a distance looks like a standard issue Tuscan, but on closer glance sports an unique shade of chocolate cherry hair rather than normal dark brown. Olive green eyes rather than standard brown. I see eyes that shine and a smile that appears readily. I am at peace with getting older, and all that’s happening to me physically. I don’t love it, and I’m fighting it every step of the way, but I’m not a 45 year old trying to be 25.
But what about what others see? Do we see ourselves the way that others see us? Can we be honest about it and face the reality of their commentary?
I like to think I am a fairly self-aware person, but I thought I would test that theory today. So I did a really quick impromptu survey. I texted those who know me best to give me three words that they believed described me. Don’t think - just rattle them off as they pop into their heads.
I asked my closest friends, people who work for me, peers and my brother. I would like to say I was shocked by what came back, but I wasn’t…I guess I do know myself pretty well.
Passionate was mentioned in almost everyone’s list of 3.
Independent and confident tied for second place.
Creative and fun/humor tied for third place.
I got a lot of other words, some of which made me laugh (one guy friend made reference to my gymnastic ability…he lost $20 on a bet that I can still do a split. Note: never bet against me. I don’t make bets I can’t win) One person mentioned my “brutal honesty.” That one made me pause, but if I’m honest, she’s right. I was thrilled when some co-workers chose the word “intelligent.” I work with some super smart people, so for that to be among their three words, was humbling. I got a few from both men and women on my looks/sex appeal, which was a little uncomfortable to read, but I guess that’s part of my identity to some. The ones that made me feel best made reference to beingcaring and/or selflessness. My brother had the most creative answer for his three words: rock. and. roll.
I got a few takeaways from this exercise. I know myself pretty well, and I am fairly cognizant about what I’m putting out there in the universe. I am fairly consistent in personality both at work and in my real life, so I don’t feel like I change much based on who I am around - everyone I asked sees a fairly consistent version of me. But I also paused and reflected on what I want to change in myself. I know I’m a little too independent. I need to ask for help more. I’m actively trying to do that, and it’s not as painful as I thought. (I’ll write more on that tomorrow.) That honesty and directness that I’m known for, I’m good with that. But not with the word “brutal” attached to it. And I think one of the things I like best about myself is my generosity and caring for others…I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bum me out that didn’t show up more on people’s lists. So I obviously need to a better job on that if it’s that important to me.
We look in the mirror daily. But to take that good, hard look and ask yourself, “Are people really seeing what I want them to see?” is something we all might want to ask ourselves.
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