It's only Wednesday, and I'm ready to call it a week. Months of planning for an event came together successfully, and the team can call victory. I got to see old friends and new colleagues, and strengthen relationships with people from all over the company. And, as I learned, people feel like they got to strengthen their relationship with me. And not the way I expected.
On Day 210 I wrote of my Fear of Cocktail Parties. On Day 211 I wrote of Storytellers. Last night, someone at the second party of the week gave me the word "Unflappable." Let me attempt to weave all these three together.
Most people can overcome a fear of cocktail parties with an actual cocktail…or three. I learned in the early days of my career to subscribe to the two drink maximum at a work function.** This has served me well over the years. If you partner this rule of thumb with my inability to have no more than two drinks over the course of few hours because of my headache medication, you understand I am really setting myself to enter into this 450-person party at near maximum uncomfortable level.
And as I went through my second party of the week, working my way through the crowd and meeting as many unfamiliar faces as I could, I was stopped along the way by some friendly faces. Those people I get to see fairly regularly, in the halls of my office. They aren't the people on my team, nor the people I regularly interact with. And yet, they knew me. Not Christina, Chief People Officer. They knew Christina, the writer. And they talked to me about it. And I felt naked in a room of 450 people.
I have written before that being both fairly introverted and private by nature, the way that I have trudged through this Experiment is to pretend that no one actually reads it. I write the way I live my everyday life; for myself, and do not worry about what others might think of me if they chose to take a peek. And yet here I stood at a work function. And suddenly I was faced during multiple occasions throughout the evening by people who had been reading me. Holy s*it.
So I chose to respond in two ways.
For one, I asked a younger guy, who has to be at least twenty years younger than me, "why?" As in, "why do you possibly find anything that I have to say interesting?" And then I listened. And this happened five different times over the course of the evening. With each person I approached throughout the night, I was never sure where my conversations were going to end up. And while most stayed professional and light, five ended up with, "I hope you don't mind me bringing this up, but I read your blog."
So I took advantage of the moment and asked them why. It was fascinating to me to learn why these people, of varying ages and genders, would find anything that I had to say even remotely worth their few minutes each day. And I learned each person had a different reason to connect. And when they told me their reasons, it opened that window to talk about themselves, which everyone did willingly…which put me right back into my comfort zone.
The second thing I did was ask the first guy for a word for tonight. His word was "unflappable." And rather than write about what that word means to me, I chose to use it as a challenge to myself as soon as it came out of his mouth. My inner self was flapping hard. I was so incredibly uncomfortable knowing one co-worker was coming forward and saying "hey, I read you." I was thinking if he was saying that, someone else in this big room probably is too. So don't panic. Remain unflappable, and ride it out. If anyone else approaches you, use it as a learning experience, and figure out why. And then turn a discomfort into a comfort.
And that's what I did. I ended up learning three things as a result of last night.
1. If I remain calm, and "unflappable," I can find the opportunity in just about any form of chaos. Its served me well in business, but last night it proved true in my personal life. I gained a ton of knowledge about my connections with people. And I also proved my theory about if I share a little bit more about myself, people are even more willing to share their stories. I love that connection.
2. I realized I am a storyteller too. I may not be gifted like my new buddy Josh who tells his story for a living, but it didn't actually occur to me that that's what I've been doing for the last 212 days. Ok, I'm a little slow.
3. Sometimes, even the "people people" need a break from talking. When you need a break, dance. It breaks down barriers, it works off the 43 apps you just stuffed your face with, and it gives you a rest from the verbal. Dancing brings people together in a different, awesome way.
Thank god for the dance floor.
**Unsolicited career advice: Yes, open bars are awesome. But you are still at work. Don't be that sloppy drunk person at a work event. You want to be judged on your work, not how well you can party. Even if you think you are with your work "friends," your friends go back to the office and share stories about the funny stuff you did when you were hammered the night before. You really don't want that reputation. Just sayin'.
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