Someone I respect greatly is researching and writing about the topic of "exuberance" right now. I love that word. It's his word to explore, not mine right now though, so tonight, I've chosen "happiness."
This word holds deep meaning to me. I think if I was to choose one word that was the fundamental disconnect in my marriage, it boiled down to this. We disagreed on our definitions of happiness.
I do not even begin to attempt to define other people's interpretations of what happiness means to them. I can only define it for myself.
It has absolutely nothing to do with walking around with a smile on my face all the time. It has to with feeling fulfilled. Like I am challenging myself. Like I am living my life to its fullest. I am happy when I am pushing myself beyond my comfort zone. And I am happy when my kids are secure, laughing and thriving.
Over the past year, at a time when one would think I'd be at one of the most unhappy periods of my life, I haven't been. I have been happy. Really happy. I have been challenged like never before. I am experiencing new things and taking advantage of my newfound independence. I am living, and I am living life on my terms. And my kids are indeed secure, laughing and thriving. Life is good.
Life is not perfect. For someone like me, I might never be satisfied. I hold the bar incredibly high for myself. I strive to live the best life I possibly can, every day. It's not always smooth, but I'm happy right now. Really happy. :)
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