Twenty years ago I used to express my feelings of disappointment and frustration by crying. A lot. I am doubly cursed with being both a passionate person and Italian. I am, by definition, an emotional sort.
I was never the type of girl who used her tears to manipulate or influence. Rather, I was embarrassed and fought them back. So much so, that after a particularly harsh male co-worker gave me shit, I trained myself to stop. I did a complete180. I worried for a while I lost my ability to feel because I had done such a thorough job exorcising this emotion. I was grateful when I realized I hadn’t. I had just learned to better control my sobbing.
Over the last two decades, I’ve figured out how to modulate my emotions to a fairly consumable level to the external world. I’ve learned most people find this an extremely peculiar behavior in me. I have received ample feedback that I should have been more angry, or more sad, or more anything over the past year. Apparently, that is not my approach.
I am no Buddhist. However, I believe no good comes from being in a bad place with someone or something. I have found my own strategy to get over things that works well for me. I need to be honest with myself, and handle my feelings in a healthy way that works for me. I can’t worry that it doesn’t work for others, or seem “normal.”
I do cry. I do yell. I do hurt. But I do these in moderation, because I believe life is too short to waste it feeling sad or being angry. l laugh and love excessively. Because life is too short not to enjoy it as much as you can and these two things are natural highs.
I am human. I have both incredible strength and an incredible vulnerability. I will never, ever, ever give up. And I own all these emotions.
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