Today marked the beginning of my company’s 2014 Kickoff event. Pretty exciting stuff. The last time we did it was 2012, and we were 200 people. Two years later we are now a global company with nearly 450 people. It’s incredible to see people coming together from all over the world, united in their desire to build an amazing company. I live for this stuff.
I’ve been working with a team of talented people to coordinate this event. We planned each of the three days carefully, to ensure we were maxing out the time we had with people. In a company moving as quickly as ours, to ask people to take time away from the day to day is a big deal. We don’t want to squander it. There is pressure to make each moment count, and make each dollar invested worth it.
Today, we began the session with an event for the managers of the company. Roughly one quarter of the company was there. It was a great afternoon, filled with activities intended to introduce people and build collaboration across teams and offices. Afterward, we all headed to cocktail reception hosted by the Chairman of our board.
I have been looking forward to this kickoff since the planning began a few months ago. I’ve played a heavy role in the design and feel much ownership for its ultimate success or failure. And yet, there is one part of this entire thing that I absolutely wish I could avoid altogether. The cocktail parties.
People I work with assume I am an extrovert. They believe because I work in a “people job,” walking into a cocktail party and chatting up co-workers would be fun and/or an easy task. I would rather eat a beetle.
As we were setting up yesterday, one of my young co-workers asked me if I got nervous before speaking to a room of people. I told her I do not. It is the one on one conversations that make me uncomfortable. She thought I was insane. So I tried to explain.
If I am speaking TO people, I feel no pressure. I know what I have to say, and I am free to perform as appropriate. It is solely based on knowledge and skill. If I am in a cocktail party situation, I feel like I have to approach people I don’t know. And then I have to figure out what to say. And how to keep the conversation going because I care about making the other person comfortable. And I hate this pressure. And of course, I am not completely socially awkward. I have done this long enough that I can execute this without totally making an ass out of myself. But inside, I am secretly counting the minutes til I can go home.
I think we learn our strengths and weaknesses as we get older. I am a good one on one person. Put me in a room with someone and I can tell you their life story when we emerge an hour later. I love really getting to know people. Superficial banter is an art form. It’s just one that makes me really uncomfortable.
So I will head off to bed tonight, completely excited about what tomorrow is going to bring. I can’t wait to see the entire organization all in one place, celebrating what we’ve achieved together, and bonding around what’s to come. But as the day draws to a close and we inch closer to cocktail hour, I’ll be getting that itchy feeling. And I’ll do what I always do in these situations. Take a deep breath, look for a friendly face, and dive in. I’ll be damned if a cocktail party is going to be my biggest fear in life…but right now, it’s in the running.
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