My kids are at the age when everyone is worried about being cool. It's no different when we were in school. Some kids come by their cool naturally. Some work really hard at it. Some hard and never achieve it. And some just don't care. They embrace their inner weirdness and live authentically.
It is cool to be yourself. Every single one of us has quirks and idiosyncrasies that make us, us. And sometimes, we do everything possible to prevent people from from learning that part of us. Why? It's the piece of us that makes us authentic.
When you hide what makes you you, you censor what makes you unique. And perhaps that offers some comfort, being able to conform to the norm, or what's known to be acceptable. But seriously. How f'ing boring.
When I was in middle school, my girlfriends and I called each other at night to plan our outfits for the next day. It was so important to us that we wear the same "heart" turtleneck, or Fair Isle sweater (yup, there was a brief period of time when I was a little preppy. Yes, that makes me laugh too.) It would have been scary to do something totally different. No one wanted to risk being "uncool." And then, magically, I grew up and thought I was uncool for following the herd.
I stopped worrying about fitting in, and I started thinking about being me. And then I never looked back.
I feel bad for the kids in today's schools, trying to find their way. My kids use similar adjectives to describe some of the kids in their classes that my friends and I did back in the day. A "dork" or "tool" thirty years ago is the same thing today. I am not a big fan of labeling kids this way, and yet, it's reality. Sometimes, when you stand out and embrace your own reality, you set yourself up for ridicule or misunderstanding. And I hope these kids band together in their own "toolbox." If you think about, every single one of us has some wrench or hammer in us. Some of us just hide it better than others or make it appear less awkward.
So for those of us, young and old, who spend time worried about fitting in and being cool, consider the following: not everyone is always going to understand you, and for certain not everyone will always embrace you. Who cares? Hold your head high, smile, and don't apologize for being you.
Think tool, not cool. At the end of the day, having the personal integrity to yourself is the ultimate cool.
*Note: My kids just told me if I were a tool, I'd be a hammer. That made me laugh for a number of reasons. I would have picked the same thing.
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