I frequently mention that I try to max out my life. I believe in that as a life philosophy; as in you’ve got one life, so it’s up to each of us to make the most of what we are given.
I was the kid who never thought I would make it past age 30. I don’t know I believed that. It probably sounded tragically glamourous when I was an angst-riden teenager. I suppose it doesn’t matter why I thought it; the feeling just never seemed to pass. And then all of a sudden, ten years ago I had a reason to believe maybe there was a reason to think maybe I would die on the younger side.
I’ve had more scans on my head than is probably healthy for one person to have. And yet, every so often, my neurologist (I’m on my fourth in ten years) sends me in to ensure my chronic paroxysmal hemicrania (that’s acute daily pain-in-the-ass cluster headaches to you and me) is really just that. The scans are meant to provide confirmation to prove there is nothing structurally wrong with my brain. And while I should be confident these tests are accurate, I have had a long-held suspicion that I am one test away from being told, “Oh…we found something.” Obviously, I hope that never happens. However, I choose to live like that is what I have been told.
So my question is this. If you got a death sentence, how different would you be living your life? If you were to close your eyes, and picture your ideal life, how different would that be from your current reality?
Take a good look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Really honest. This is hard.
Would you still be hanging out in the same job, or doing the same thing with your days?
Would you choose to wake up every morning next to the person you do?
Would you die wishing you had done X but held back because you were too afraid? Or too ashamed? Or too (insert fear, apathy, etc.) here.
So what really stops us? If you were told you had a month to live, most of us would live out our remaining days very differently than we currently are. But what if it was a year? Or ten year death sentence? How much should that change things?
Our lives are a carefully constructed balance of social, financial, logistical, physical and work related dynamics. At any given time, these things intertwine and create a chaotic swirl which becomes uniquely our own life. While those dynamics never really go away, how we create and balance them may just be the thing we need to re-examine from time to time to ensure we are living the life we want to live.
It doesn’t happen overnight. I can’t just say, “I want to leave my career as an executive and become a professional musician.” I’d fail miserably this late in the game. But if music was truly my passion, I could set a more reasonable but still big goal by saying “By the end of 2014 I’m going to perform at an open mike night.” or “I’m going to book a gig at a club.” And then I could break that into smaller goals of playing my guitar every night for an hour. I could learn two new songs a week. And so on. I could turn my crazy dreams into manageable chunks and make them pretty realistic. And BAM. I’m one step closer to living the life I really want to be leading. (For the record, I’m not pursuing that dream.)
Here’s the other key piece. If I’m dying (or not dying, in my case), the last thing I want to be surrounded with is negativity. Get rid of it. If I’ve got a death sentence, I need to surround myself with positive people. If you have a s*itty attitude, or act as a victim, you don’t last very long in my world. We make our own way in the world. It’s acceptable to ask for help from those who can support you and those who inspire. It is not acceptable to sit around waiting for a fairly godmother to grant you wishes. None of us are entitled.
Take one final look in that mirror before you go to bed. Is that face staring back at you one that you can be proud of? One that you can think, “Yeah self, I’ve done you right. I have given this life the best I could. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve made some good choices too. And at the end of the day, I am grateful for every day I had. I can die fulfilled.”
If you can’t say that, I might suggest you pick just one thing to change in your life. Start small.
Just edge closer to the live you were meant to live.
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