My daughters have been singing the song “Let It Go” made famous in the animated movie “Frozen” for the past several weeks. I had not paid much attention to it until I actually heard Idina Menzel sing it as an nominated song on Oscar night. At first I was laughing because John Travolta had just butchered this poor woman’s name so badly while introducing her to the world. Then I took notice because she sings it SOOOO much better than my daughters. (No offense to them, but I’m just keeping it real.) The thing that really stuck, however, was the song title.
Unlike many of my friends, I’m not a massive fan of Disney. I think I’m a little too cynical for their magical outlook. But I give credit where credit is due. While the lyrics of this song didn’t land with me, the title sure did. I feel like if there is one skill I have mastered over the past decade, it is the art of “letting it go”.
For me, this speaks to not holding grudges. The only thing I dislike more than feeling angry or upset about something is for that feeling to be lasting. I wasn’t exaggerating when I wrote earlier in the week about being in a funk one night and waking up in a completely better frame of mind. If I don’t flip that mental switch, I feel like I am cheating myself out of positive days. And holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. (Those are Buddha’s words, not mine.)
There are a number of people in the world who have disappointed me, angered me, or in some way irritated me to no end. When I was younger, I invested emotional energy in getting angry, or getting sad. I’d let their actions dictate my mood or my own actions. Thankfully, I grew up. I realize now I cannot control other people. I can only control myself.
So I let it go. I let it all go. If someone wrongs me on a small level, I let it go completely. If it affects my way of operating, I address it head on and then let it go. Like the person who critiqued my arrows on the Powerpoint…rather than be angry or just think “what a total ass,” I just pulled him aside and we had a direct conversation. Guess what? It was super productive. I got more insight on what drives that behavior in him, and he got a better understanding about how I work and think. It brought us closer as colleagues.
If you really, really wrong me however, I’ll still let it go. But I won’t forget. And our relationship will probably take some sort of hit. If it matters to you, you will work hard to regain my friendship or trust. I’ve found over the years most people find it easier to just walk away than rebuild. That really bums me out. I think this is the case because if I hurt someone I cared about, I’d do everything I could to let them know how much I respect them and how sorry I was.
I sleep better at night knowing I’m not worried about revenge, or waste energy spending time wondering why x person did y thing. It typically has absolutely nothing to do with me, even if it does affect me in some way. People are human. They are flawed. I piss people off too, and almost always, it is not my intention to do so. I ask for forgiveness when I realize what I’ve done, because I actually try to learn from that mistake and not do it again.
This is probably why me, the lover of people, has become decidedly more “transactional” with regards to people in my life. I never know who is going to come, and who is going to go. I have had to fire some of my closest friends from their jobs. I never had the chance to say goodbye to my best friend who up and disappeared from my life after nearly two decades of friendship. And I had to part ways with a love after 18 years of togetherness. I am grateful I can love big and I can say goodbye easier now. And I have just plain had to get better at letting it go.
No comments:
Post a Comment