Tonight I was given the word “nostalgia” to write about. And literally the moment I was reading the text that contained that word, my younger daughter came walking to my room in tears.
Her birthday is next Tuesday, and she was expressing her nostalgia for the days when we celebrated together, as a complete family. Of course, as a slightly narcissistic pre-teen, I was able to make her feel better with a snuggle, some understanding, and the perspective that she was getting more than one celebration. Getting to start the “Wonder of Gianna” starting tomorrow night with her dad and his fiancé and ending on Tuesday night with her sister and mom is not such a horrible way to acknowledge one’s birthday. Of course it’s not like the old days, but there’s always a positive way to see it.
I think that’s how the word nostalgia strikes me in general. I spend the majority of my time focused on today, and looking forward to tomorrow. I don’t like to look backwards. So much so that I have almost no photos from before 1995 in my possession. I left my physical artifacts from past behind in my childhood home, and they were disposed of when my parents made the move from Concord to Naples. Wiped away were decades of “stuff.” The memories in my mind, the part I truly value, remain.
I like traveling light. I mean that literally. Like when I went to Europe last summer with just a carry-on. I mean it physically. I look forward to spring and fall cleaning so I can purge my house of unwanted stuff to toss or donate. Mostly, however, I mean it emotionally. I do not wish travel through my life with emotional baggage. Positive or negative. Of course none of us wish to carry with us the sad or bad things from our pasts that drag us down. But I also don’t tend to dwell on those great experiences of my past either however. Why? I think it’s because I’ve always been convinced what’s ahead of me is always better than what is behind me. And I’ve usually been right.
Of course, I have albums filled of baby pictures of my kids, but I haven’t opened them in a long while. I’m too busy enjoying the stages they are in now. And like Gia tonight, I understand why she misses how things used to be; but I’m too busy conceiving of a way to make her new celebration an ever better experience than her old one to spend time dwelling on it.
If I am completely honest, I can only think of one thing I am completely nostalgic for. It occurs after the long grind of a day, after ensuring my daughters are taken care of and feeling loved and after every email is answered, lunch is packed, and 365 Day post is posted. I miss crawling into bed, looking into the eyes of the person I love, and saying “I love you. Goodnight.” And having the same said back to me, and meant.
But until that piece of my life comes together - if I am fortunate enough to have it happen - I will continue to open every door in my life, take advantage of every opportunity I get, and continue to move forward. Always forward. NOstalgia for me.
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