I do not do well without quick, concise answers to problems. I have built both my career and my sanity around being able to create the gestalt from the bits of information and scraps of data I can scrap together. When I am unable to do this, I am left both dazed and confused.
While some people hit a fork in the road and become paralyzed with fear about making the wrong decision, I just make a choice. I almost always follow my gut, and it almost always leads me down the right path. And if it doesn’t, I either backtrack or I cut through the woods and I create myself another path. The point is, I almost never hesitate or don’t know which way to go.
So when I see a fork, and then I stare at it and hesitate, I get frustrated. Or worse, I get really mad at myself. There is no grace period for pondering, or time allowance made for careful consideration. Some people are faulted for taking too long to make decisions. I could be faulted for making them too quickly sometimes. But at least I’m not afraid to try.
And right now, at this moment in my life, I face a couple of big decisions I’m not totally clear on. That gut decision I’ve come to rely on is failing me. I’ve tried to diagnosis why. Is it because I no longer have a thought partner living in my house to bounce ideas off of? Is it because I am attempting to make decisions that affect me and the kids that put me in a potentially vulnerable position whereas I never worried about that before? The bottom line is, I just don’t know for sure.
I do know this, however. I cannot operate with uncertainty. This state of second guessing myself and being tentative about what the best decisions are for myself is going to come to a quick stop. Why? Because I got this. I am strong. I am smart. I make good decisions, and should trust my judgment. And when I f up, as I am sure to do along the way, I will own it and course correct.
Time to put on my hiking boots and go for a walk. I have a couple of trails with forks in them I need to see about taking.
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