If you have ever spent more than an hour in a social setting with me, you have probably been on the receiving end of one of my bizarre “get to know you" questions. My mom is convinced I use these as some form of creative psychoanalyzation of people. While it’s true you can learn a lot about people by the answers they share, that’s never been my intent. It is simply my antidote to small talk. Why talk about the weather when you can learn about what magazine cover someone would choose to be on if given the choice?
I started doing this in high school. It was a way to get to know people better, and I realized it got people talking in a different, more collaborative way. Suddenly, a big group where several different conversations are taking place turns into one big conversation if the subject is something everyone wants in on. And if it's a quirky question that enables people to think and answer creatively, game on.
I've learned a ton about others with this tactic. Also about myself. Most notably, I'm great at coming up with the weird question, but I hate answering. Likely, that has something to do with not likely to share a ton about myself. Umm, yeah, that ship has sailed.
This weird habit of mine came up this weekend when I had friends over, and I was telling a story about one of my favorite experiences with it. Years ago, I was with a group of work friends at an old company. I came up with the question, "If you could give yourself an Indian name, what would it be?"
I didn't think this took much explanation. Immediately people started spouting off names. "Stands With a Fist." "Shops With An Amex" And of course mine was "Running With Scissors." And then it was my friend Emily's turn. Without hesitation she responded, "Sanjay Gupta."
WHAT?!
"Umm, WTF Emily?" was the response in unison from the group.
She was indignant. "You said to pick an Indian name. I picked Sanjay Gupta. What's the issue?"
"For starters, did you not get that we are all picking NATIVE AMERICAN Indian names?! That didn't appear to require clarification. And if you were going to go Indian from the sub-continent, why the hell did you pick a guy's name?"
"He's on CNN and he's really smart."
Okay. There's some logic. We laughed at Emily for about five solid minutes. When I finally came up for air, I said, "I can't believe you did that. I bet if we asked anyone else to pick an Indian name, they wouldn't require that detail." And then Emily's boyfriend walked in to the bar.
Before she could utter a word, I asked him the question. And without missing a beat, he answered, "Sanjay Gupta." We stared at him in silence.
They have been married for over 10 years now. They were clearly made for each other.
Tonight at a team dinner, I busted out another question as we tried to quickly indoctrinate one of our newest recruiters. As I was driving the waitress slightly crazy with my order, one girl tried to explain to the newer team members how I have never had a cheeseburger before. That stupid revelation turned into "What normal food do most people love that you won't touch?" I learned many people on my team have aversions to some pretty funny stuff. And I am certain they think I've got some serious issues with my refusal to eat a cheeseburger or eggs.
I love this game. Not just for the interesting answers people inevitably give, but for the rationale behind the answers. So if you ever want to get to really know me, ask me a weird question. You are likely to engage me far more by saying "Hey, if you had to bring a backpack to a desert island what would you pack in it?" Or "Who would you love to sit next to at a dinner party?" than by just saying "How are things going with you?"
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