Being in my field, I get to be part of celebrating the very best of people in the workplace…excitement about new jobs, promotions, raises, new leadership opportunities. I also get to witness some of the poorest judgment in decision making I've ever seen made by adults. I'm going to share a few of my favorites. Yes, these are real.
Don't Abuse Your Company Credit Card. General rule of thumb: treat the money as if it was your own. And if that includes charging a night at a strip club claiming that it was a birthday party for your three year old when you are caught, than shame on you. No company is going to allow you to charge your kid's party to your corporate Amex. Nor will they allow you to put through a charge for a hooker as "entertainment." Just fess up and answer honestly. And then pray that's good enough.
Don't Treat The Office As HookUpPalooza. One of the best things about working in an office of young single people is that you might meet a really wonderful person. Lots of great relationships have started at work. But choose wisely. You've got to work with these people…and when you start partying with your co-workers and get the reputation for going home with someone different every week, that's not how you want to stand out at work.
Don't Play Politics. It's a time waster. It hurts productivity, it's toxic to the culture, and you are ultimately focused on the wrong thing. Instead, focus on building strong, healthy relationships and doing great work. It's so much better to be noticed for that. And you will be. Politicians are noticed too, but for the wrong reasons.
Don't Lie About Your Grandparents Dying. Poor grandparents. They are used as an excuse to get out of just about everything. Job interviews, a long weekend, or just general blowing work off. Bad call. Lying in general for this stuff may seem like a good idea but someone always sells you out. Plus, we've heard it so many times, we have begin to lose empathy for real grandparents dying. Just try a simple, "I need to take the day off for a personal matter" should cover it. It's none of our business, unless you are in the habit of making this behavior a habit. And then we've got a different issue on our hands.
Don't Ask For Things You Haven't Earned. We seem to live in an entitled world these days, where people expect promotions each year, with sizable raises to accompany them. This is where I start to show my age. "Back when I was starting out…" We slept under our desks to make our deliverables. We worked all day and went to grad school at night. We earned every promotion we got. And yes, some of us did zoom ahead. And some decided to take a different path because it was really hard work. And then there are some people who don't work hard for it and get angry because they expect 10% raises or more each year for showing up. Or promotions because they've been at it for a whole six months. And if they don't get what they want, their mom will call you and chew you out.
Helpful hint: if your mom calls me to bitch me out because her son didn't get promoted, she picked the wrong person to call.
Don't Be The Office Gossip. With the amount of time that we spend at work, it's easy to fall into this trap. While it's fun to catch up with office buddies about the latest scoop, being known as the person who has all the office dirt is not the rep you want. And every office has one (or several) of these. And here's the thing…if you are gossiping about someone, you can certainly be sure they are gossiping about you too.
Don't Have Sex In The Office. There are so many things wrong with this statement. And yet this happens. I'll just say this…if you are going to do this, for the love of god, do it after hours and in a room that locks. But I'd just advise you just don't.
Don't Get Drunk At Company Functions. This seems like good common sense, but apparently most people didn't get this bit of advice from their parents like I did. Here's the thing - if you are at a work sponsored event, behave like a professional. You are not with your fraternity brothers. This is not the time to impress everyone with how many sake bombs you can do.
and finally...
Don't Have An Office Affair…and conduct it over your office email account. Helpful rule of thumb: assume anything you do at work is public information. Don't write any email you wouldn't be comfortable with any person reading. Not that anyone is spying on you, but you never know when things can fall into the wrong hands.
I'm certain if I spent several more hours I could come up with dozens more examples. These are just the general top of mind thoughts. Take them for what their worth, and feel free to supplement and enhance. Just don't ignore. I've seen almost all these idiotic moves made at each company I've been a part of since the early 90's.
I shouldn't complain. Without them, my job would be significantly less interesting and colorful.
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