…not the destination. And for someone like me, all I tend to focus on is “Holy s*it! I’m at Day 300. I have only 65 more days in which to make dramatic change happen!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!!" Not that it hasn't already, but it never enough for a girl who is constantly looking for an open door to walk through; a new opportunity just waiting to be seized. And I know time boxing into 365 days is slightly insane, but, hey, that should no surprise anyone at this point. Most of all, me.
I know that rather than focusing on what items I want to cram into the rest of this time period, I should just be enjoying the climb. Live in the moment, as my wise friends say. I attempt to do that, and truly embrace each thing I do. I also attempt to simultaneously chase the next thing that is going to challenge me. However, I do realize I need to do a better job of this. Example: On the ride home from my parents 50th anniversary party I was already online checking it off my project list. And eagerly trying to figure out what could take it's place. Planning to sell my house, move, and decorating a new house made the cut.
Many people have asked me if I have gone back and read what I have written over the course of the past year. I have not. That lack of interest is probably not unlike actors who cannot bear to watch themselves on film. There is a strong likelihood I will go back and read my words at some point and say, “WTF was I thinking? How on Earth did I ever write that down, let alone share it publicly?” And I’m certain I’ll think, “Wow, you really should have paid more attention in your writing classes in school, you are such a novice.”
And then, I think, why I am doing that to myself? This is just supposed to be an Experiment. The whole point of this thing was to see if I could write everyday for a year, and see if I could actually will myself - as a private person - to become more open. And to do it for me. Never write for an audience, or pretend that anyone is actually reading my words; just be authentically me. Those three goals, I know without going back to look, I have been accomplishing. Everything that has happened this year above and beyond coming out of this Experiment, is just the icing on the cake. And at the end of the 365, I'll figure out a way to summarize and tie some tidy - and not so tidy, I'm sure - themes around.
So I'll power through the next two+ months, and try not to sprint to the finish. Rather, I will attempt to pace myself, and smell the proverbial roses a bit. I have had an exceptional year to date…and I know the best is yet to come.
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