Routine make me anxious. Unfortunately, it provides great comfort to my children - primarily my oldest. I've tried to dissect what it is about it that bothers me so much, and I think it comes down to equating routine with monotony and complacency. In my mind, if I am repeating the same thing day after day, I am not learning and growing. And if I'm not learning and growing, I am therefore becoming increasingly boring as a person. And that's not the person I want to be.
I lived in eight different places between the time I graduated from college and had children. I loved that. I loved the hunt for the new place, the redecoration, the new neighborhood to explore. But mostly, I just loved the change. Just about every year, I would get antsy and need the disruption. And yet, now, I don't have that luxury. Well, I do, I just choose not to take advantage of it. I have opted to stay put for the stability of my children. Maybe I won't stay in this house until they both head off to college, but at least in the short term, this is a good place for their continued stability. Not mine perhaps, but certainly theirs. And they get to come first on this one.
My life, was arguably on "rinse and repeat"cycle for quite a while and isn't anymore. Since my breakup, I've done more interesting and fun stuff than I have in a very long time. Interestingly, I have precious little free time. But I am finding ways to maximize every tiny bit of it I get, so I can balance out the other pieces.
Tonight, a single mom friend of mine from work and I carefully planned a site visit to DelFrisco's for an company-wide event we are running in January. We coordinated our insane schedules to maximize our work time with our free, catch-up time. And it was excellent time spent together, with free apps and cocktails to boot. And then I hopped in a cab and headed off to a Celtics game with a few of my favorite girls from work. Who cares that our team lost? I had a free night, and I made the most of every minute.
Part of tonight's entertainment was sharing our entertaining stories, as women tend to do when we gather together. And as we did tonight, I thought to myself, "I am truly fortunate." I have two exceptional daughters I couldn't love more if I tried. I am (mostly) healthy. I have friends I truly enjoy and whose friendship I really value. I have a job I am really passionate about. And I am at a time in my life when I can say "yes" to lots more than I used to be able to. Not everything, and it obviously takes a hell of a lot of coordination, but if I really want something, there is nothing stopping me.
I can sum it up like this. I was texting with a young friend from the office tonight, who also happened to be at the game tonight. He wrote, "I hope you ladies had fun." I responded "I have fun wherever I am." And I meant it. It's up to me to decide if my life ever becomes "rinse and repeat" again or interesting and fun. I am thoroughly in control of my destiny. While it might be easier to sit on the couch night after night watching Bravo, I choose different (not that that's not awesome sometimes). I choose getting out there. I choose to take advantage of my free time by doing things that expand my life, rather than shrink it. And I choose to laugh and have fun the whole way.
I'm tired. And I'm totally cool with that, because I'm happy. :)
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