My 13 year old is turning into a moody teenager, right on schedule. Fantastic.
Tonight, as she shared some of the challenges she is tackling at school, she said, “I can’t wait to be an adult. It is so much easier.”
I had to laugh to myself. Yes, honey, it’s SO much easier.
So we actually had a conversation about it. It’s all relative, right? What she is struggling with now - homework load, after school activities, friends, boys, parents, sister, etc. - it’s all a big deal when you are navigating it for the first time. And she’s got raging hormones on top of it. I wouldn’t dare suggest to her that what she’s tackling isn’t a big deal, because it is to her. But I did help her to put it in perspective.
First, we spent time talking about her stuff. I just let her vent, and I listened. Sometimes, that all we chicks need. (But I’ll admit, I had to cut it off after a few minutes because there is a fine line between “venting” and “whining.” I have a strict “no whining” rule in this house. You must have such a thing with three girls in one home. Otherwise, it would be intolerable here.) And after she was done, I asked if she need help with any of it, or if she had just wanted me to listen. She just wanted to be heard.
Then I asked her why she thought my life was so much easier. She gave some pretty interesting answers. Things like I have a job which pays me, so I can buy whatever I want. I have a car, so I have freedom, so I can go wherever I want. And I have the coolest job in the world, so I pretty much get to do whatever I think is best for the company. Ironically, she’s probably the most accurate on that last one.
So I gave her a little more color on what it means to be an adult. Specifically, me as an adult. I told her that a job doesn’t give you limitless money. While I get paid well, I have to think carefully about how I spend, and how I save. Especially now that it’s just me.
And we talked about the responsibilities I have with work and children. Which leaves very little “freedom.” So just because I have a car and can drive myself around, it doesn’t mean I have lots of freedom to do whatever the hell it is I want, whenever I want.
And as for work, I understand where her perspective on that one comes from. Even at their young ages, I may have already seriously warped my poor daughters’ minds on what work life is like. She has been to my office. She has interacted with my co-workers. She believes that work is a place where people are motivated and happy, and ultimately passionate about what they do. She believes that, because that is all she’s ever known and seen.
I can understand why at 13, life appears easier as an adult to her. I probably thought the same thing when I was her age. And yet, perhaps she’s right. When I think back to being a teenager, there isn’t enough money in the world to send me back to that period in my life. I had a non-traumatic adolescence, but once in a lifetime is plenty. So getting through that and becoming an adult probably does seem like nirvana.
I love that she and I can have these conversations. I love that she is still willing to be open about what’s going on in her life, and I’m grateful it happens, because the odds are that pipeline of communication will narrow at some point in the near future. And I’m glad I can share with her too, and that she’s open to listening.
The best part, however, is that I like that we are learning from each other.
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