Word of the day…is commitment. Suggested by a new friend, it was shared among a number of other choices. I choice it because it made me the most uncomfortable. I seem to run towards that feeling. Perhaps there is a sense that if I confront it, I will tackle it.
The first thing I thought of when I read that word sent to me was marriage. As commitments go, this is a pretty significant one. And yet, now that I have “been there, done that” I’m not clear if I’ll ever do it again. I love the notion of being committed to someone. I am a loyal person, and I feel like if two people truly connect, it’s a pretty amazing thing to be able to pledge yourself to another. That whole notion of the legally binding thing though…I’m not so sold on it anymore. Given that I am not going to have any more children, I don’t see the need. I don’t long to be a bride again. I desire to be a partner. It’s worth waiting for, and should I ever be fortunate enough to have lightening strike twice in my lifetime, I don’t need a paper to legitimize it. Maybe I’d get a final tattoo with the words “i do” on my ring finger instead. Just to make a point.
I believe many people fear the commitment of marriage because of its illusion of permanence. If you look up “commitment” in the dictionary, one of the definitions reads, “An obligation or promise that restricts one’s action of freedom.” Jesus. If I had read that sentence before I walked down the aisle I think I might have turned the other direction and done a wind sprint out of the building. And yet, with a marital commitment there is still an out clause. No one wants to ever enter a marriage thinking they are going to have to play that card, but you know in the back of your mind it exists. I never thought I would. My parents are still married. So are my exes. We grew up in stable homes and had the best role models for what healthy marriages could look like. I think with commitment, I always think of the phrase “I keep my commitments.” In the case of this one, I look myself in the mirror and know I did my best. I guess that’s all I can ask of myself.
The commitment that is one-ups the marital commitment, however, is the commitment you make to becoming a parent. With marriages you can pull the rip cord. You can’t walk out on your children. I mean, I guess you could, but you’d be a complete dead beat. Children are a forever decision. I totally respect those I know who have chosen not to have them, because they know they can’t make that selfless commitment. And for all of us who do, we’re in it together. It defies any form of commitment we’ve ever made to a job, skill or person we’ve previously known. The input to payout ratio is high…they are so much mental and physical work, and yet the love and job they bring to our lives is just inexplicable.
There’s other forms of committing as well. I’m just about as committed to my work as I am to my kids. It’s not just a source of income for me. I am committed to the success and personal work experience of almost 400 people. I am committed to ensuring that I am doing my part to make this company the absolute best it can be. I am committed not because it’s my job to be. I am committed because I am bought into the people I work with, who I go into battle with everyday, and because I play to win. And I am committed because I only chose projects and companies to work for that I am passionate about. It’s an easy formula.
And then there is the commitment in the form of Malcolm Gladwell’s mastery concept of the “10,000 Hours Rule.” He describes this as the key to success in any field is, to a large extent, a matter of practicing a specific task for a total of around 10,000 hours. Essentially, if any of us commit 10,000 hours to anything - a hobby, a sport, this crazy experiment - we are bound to achieve some form of mastery at it. That seems to make sense, no? So if you REALLY wanted to master something, and you spent two hours a day on it, every single day, it would take you just over 13 years to get there. Just over 9 years if you next spent three hours a day. Okay…so maybe that’s a unrealistic amount of time to spend. Or is it? At this point in our lives, likely none of us has 2 or 3 hours to commit to mastering something new. But is that true? There is a reason older people thrive in golf. They have the time to commit to it. And they enjoy it.
There are all sorts of commitments we make; some big, some small. I think, however, that its not the size of the commitment that matters - it’s the passion that accompanies it that contributes greatly to its probability of it being carried out to success and it’s ultimate achievement.
I started writing this feeling uncomfortable about commitment, and I am finishing feeling great. After forcing myself to think about the different aspects of commitments, this initially challenging entry to write wasn’t nearly as painful as a tough. I don’t fear commitment. I fear a loss of freedom if I make permanent choices that don’t make positive change.
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