A line of women stood at the bathroom sink after 5 pm today, all attempting to erase the grueling work of the week off of our tired faces with a little freshening of the hair and makeup and a good dose of banter and wit. After my week, spackle, a magic wand and some red lipstick were about the only things that were going to help me, but hey…A for effort.
And as my friend and I were the last two left, we chatted about our upcoming evenings. I was excited for her; after a long search, she is dating someone she is really excited about. And as we hugged each other goodbye for the weekend, I asked her to give me a word to write about this evening. She said, “hope.” So here is what I thought of when she said that…
I knew as soon as she opened her mouth, that was the word she was going to select. I am no psychic. I could see it in her eyes. I could see that for the first time in a long while, she sees possibility and anticipation of what could be. That’s such a powerful emotion to have.
It’s not a word I typically use in my everyday language. I think I don’t, because by technical definition, it is a pretty passive emotion. I am not wired to sit idly by and “desire with expectation of attainment.” I tend towards working hard for what I want, not waiting for it to come to me. For example, I don’t sit around thinking “I hope my kids turn out to be happy people.” I work hard each day to ensure that I am doing everything I can to balance their confidence and sense of reality about the world to enable them to thrive within it and guide them to discover that which makes them most happy.
Hope for me is a little like faith. It essentially means you are putting your trust or confidence in another person, thing, deity or doctrine. Which is all about giving up control. And if I want to take it one step further, it all funnels to love - that which is completely out of our control. To love oneself is an exercise in self acceptance and self respect. To love another, to quote poet Rainer Maria Rilke, “For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been given to us, the ultimate, the final problem and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation.” Pretty heavy stuff.
And you know what? I’m hopeful. What about? My life and future. I’ve had what should have had one of the most toughest weeks of my life. I had my “divorce date” followed by a board meeting, followed by a bomb of a date tonight. And yet, I am relatively unscathed. The courtroom seems like it was weeks ago, and the board meeting fueled adrenaline surge followed day after post-meeting crash is behind me. A bad date is just one more date to check off the list that brings me closer to that which I am hoping to meet when the time is right. If I can type this truly thinking, “Overall, I had a great week. Got my divorce behind me, did good work, met up with my old colleague for a great meeting, my kids are happy, got some fun plans with friends to look forward to…,” I am in pretty good shape.
So, yeah, it’s a fairly passive emotion. But given I’m not such a passive person, maybe a little hope will do me some good.
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