I took a nice walk through the North End with a close friend this morning. We stopped at a coffee shop and had a chance to catch up about the week’s events. We covered a multitude of topics, as we always do. What I love about her is the ability for us to drop our guards with each other. Having someone you can truly be yourself with, and not worry about being judged by, is a rare gift. And to my other friend who earlier in the week who inquired about my soft side - as in, do I have one and do I open myself up to be vulnerable and allow others in to help - this is one of those people in that cherished circle.
On the way back, she offered up the word of the day to write about. She then later revised to select "humility.” It’s a good choice for me this week.
I went out with someone new last night on a blind date. I was told I would either love him or hate him. Ummm. I don’t hate anyone, but let’s just suggest it wasn’t a love connection. On the surface, he could have been. He’s successful, and he’s interesting. The deal breaker? Zero humility. I heard all about his business successes, his life in Newport and Miami, his toys, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I admire people success and love to learn about people’s lives. That said, when it is shared with excessive bravado and to impress rather than to educate or to share a conversation, it’s a major turnoff to me. I’m certain many women would have thought “cha-ching.” I thought “total opposite of what I’m looking for.” Actually, I thought of something a little more harsh, but I’ll be kind in written word. To be fair, he didn’t love me either. Given he asked me about two things about myself, and from what he shared about the women in his life, I deduced I am clearly not his type either. And I’m good with that.
Humility is a big one for me. I’m not sure where I decided along the way that is was important. I’m certain my parents may have had something to do with that. I recall a day in the 80’s when my dad a significant moment with his company; it was a huge day for him. He was bringing a camera to work to commemorate the moment. He stuffed the camera into a paper shopping bag, and headed off to work. I loved that about him. Here was this successful CEO, about to conduct a big deal, and he’s walking around with a paper bag. He’s was humble, and he didn’t care.
As I grew a little older, I watched Andre Agassi become insanely popular on the tennis courts. One might assume I would be drawn to him at the time for his flowing lion’s mane hair and bad boy attitude. To the contrary. I couldn’t stand him. I could not understand how a brash kid who had yet to win a major tournament was so arrogant and in your face. In my mind, he hadn’t earned the right to do so. Not that winning those should give him a free pass, but at least it would have been more understandable in my mind. And ironically, as Agassi began to win the majors, lose his hair and tone down his ‘tude, something amazing happened. The showy young adult morphed into an incredibly philanthropic man. He’s done tremendous good for at-risk youth for well over a decade, and he does it with humility. He’s managed to balance his charisma with a humbleness. I have major respect for what he’s accomplished, and the way he handles himself now.
I love that about the executive teams that I work with as well. I’ve worked with some pretty exceptional people. At this point, many a multi-millionaire, two professional athletes, and some pretty fantastically impressive resumes. The part that I respect most about these people? The common thread shared almost all of them is their humility. Almost everyone is just a good, hard-working, accomplished person who works just as hard or harder than the teams they lead. They could have much to brag about if they chose to, but they don’t; they are humble. And as leaders, I think this bodes well for our people. If we accept that humility is a multi-dimensional concept that includes things like self-awareness. openness, and perspective, than leadership thrives with teams that have humility. And I have been humbled for years now to work among them.
I don’t know what drives people to operate without humility. Is it driven by validation? Or the need for attention? Or the hope of love or acceptance? Or do those people truly people believe they are that wonderful and feel the need to share it? While so many religions reference humility in their teachings primarily as something one would want to possess, Nietzsche views it as a strategy used by the weak to avoid being destroyed by the strong. All such interesting things to ponder.
The one thing I’m sure of: it’s something I believe in. While I believe in celebrating achievements, I believe in modesty and this quote made by actor and filmmaker George Arliss, “Humility is the only true wisdom by which we prepare our minds for all the possible changes of life.”
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