I had lunch with the loveliest young woman today. She's in her mid twenties, and was full of questions. What I thought was just a friendly outing turned out to be an interview. As in, her interviewing me. It was odd to be on the other side of the table.
I give her major points for her courage. She is someone who describes herself as slightly unsure of herself and awkward, and yet you'd never guess it by the way she launched in. This girl was on a mission for knowledge. I totally respected her for that.
She had me talking about my background, and my career history. She asked why I had made the choices I had, and how I prioritized. She asked me all the questions I would have had at her age. And then she made a comment that brought me back twenty years in an instant.
She made reference to the fact that all of her friends are at the point where they are now getting engaged. And that they are all beginning to figure out their careers. And they are all full of advice for her on what she's doing with her life. I so remember being in her shoes.
So I told her to forget their advice, and asked her if she knew what she really wanted for herself. And her answer was really candid. She didn't know. She's in the process of trying to figure that out.
But then the questions kept coming. She has many interests, and yet, how do you form that into the right career choices? Just how exactly does one figure out what you want to be when you grow up? And once you decide, how do you balance it all? How do you make choices that work? How do you know you are making the right decisions?
The answer is, there is no right answer. I have a fantastic career that I love and that I've had success in, and yet I still don't feel I know what I want to be when I grow up.
And I have had plenty of people over the years give me advice about what I should be doing, when I should be doing it by, and who I should be doing it with. And if you know me well at all by now, the one thing I learned along the way was to stop listening to other people, and start listening to myself.
That does not mean don't seek out guidance from mentors or people whose opinions you respect and appreciate. It means stop listening to people who have no idea what the hell they are talking about when it comes to your life. Why should another young woman in her twenties have any business telling her friend what she should do with her career? From all her deep wealth of career experience herself? And how about advice on getting married? Really? Should a woman of 26 be made to feel like she's a failure because all her friends are getting engaged and she still hasn't found her soul mate yet?
Here's the reality check, from the old chick you took to lunch.
Those friends of yours who are engaged, congratulations to them. It's a very exciting time. The dose of harsh reality is that some of those friends won't be married ten years from now. Why? Because you are all in your mid-twenties and you are just figuring yourselves out. And that's exactly what your twenties are for. Falling in love is awesome, and it's fun to grow up together. It's just super hard to stay aligned when you are growing up and figuring out who you really want to be as a couple. Hoping those things align. Lots of times they don't, especially if you add the stress of jobs, mortgages, babies, etc. on top of it.
Here's the point. Take the time now to discover who you really are. This is one of those rare times in your life where you have absolute freedom. No kids, no serious ties to anything…just the responsibility to discover yourself.
So take the time to figure out who you really are, and want you want for yourself in life. That will lead to success not just in your career, but ultimately in a relationship too. And I truly believe if you design the movie outline of your life by the script that works best for you, you will be successful no matter what you choose to do.
Just write the script in pencil; never in ink. There will be twists and turns along the way that you never saw coming. Try to see the opportunity in them, rather then the fear.
These are times to enjoy, not stress. You don't need all the answers, they will come. And most importantly, my young friend, believe in yourself. If you don't, no one else will.
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