Day 221 of The 365 Day Experiment. Tune Up

I celebrated my birthday today with my F-it day.  (See Day 208)  Planned long ago, I decided to do what everyone clearly thinks I should be taking time to do for myself, based on the number of spa gift cards I have received over the last two years.  I grabbed three of them and headed out for a day of rest.

I think I enjoyed it, as I slept through a good half of it.  Clearly, I needed some time to relax and unwind.  It's always a little embarrassing when a massage therapist says to you within ten seconds of touching you, "Wow, you must be under a lot of stress, huh?"  Yeah, thanks for calling it out, honey.  If you don't talk to me for the next hour I promise your tip will be bigger.

However, while I was awake, I tried to be really present in the moment.  I tried to connect to my body and my mind in a way that I don't usually get to. I tried to understand where every pain and sore muscle was, and how it was caused.  I attempted to understand what I was doing to my body physically.  And I was trying to understand why it took me so bloody long to get onto that table.  Remember those dented cars that were shown on the commercials years ago "Uh oh…better get Maaco!"  I felt like one of those busted cars this morning. 

So lying there on the table, free of any technology, or anything else to distract me, I was forced to just think.  That's always a dangerous proposition for me.  But I began to understand to how all of the chaos and swirl of life had taken a physical toll on me that I could literally feel being rubbed out of my body.  And it felt great.  It's a good thing when your emotional state matches your physical state. 

I walked out today feeling whole.  And happy.  I spend my life taking care of my children, my team, the people I care about…and today I really faced the physical reminder of putting myself last far too often. 

I don't know that that priority is going to change order any time soon, but I think I will attempt to be far less harsh on myself when attempt to do something good for myself a little more frequently.  Ultimately, if I'm in a good place - both mentally and physically - that's got to pay off for everyone else.  I think.  At least that's what I'm going to tell myself.

 And tonight, it's all good.