I adore the ladies in my life. Those few, deep, meaningful relationships I cherish as I imagine I would as if they were my real sisters. And my more extended circle of girlfriends are women I throughly enjoy sharing stories, life, and laughs with in a way men would just never understand or relate to.
And then there are my guy friends. Ever since I was a kid, I have always enjoyed my friendships with guys. There is something easy about it. Unlike my female friendships, they are far less complicated. There are no elaborate birthday celebrations to plan for and organize, and not nearly the same level of drama on a daily basis. Men aren't nearly as gossipy, and they generally tell it like they see it. I appreciate their straight-forwardness.
I think this stems from having a brother who I have always loved. We grew up close and shared just about everything. And as we got older, sharing everything meant delving into topics like sex and relationships. We shared points of view and perspectives that I still find relevant to this day. For both of us, it was wonderful having a trusted insider from the opposite gender as your "go-to" to vet your basic questions.
For more years than I can count, we made a ritual of staying up all night on Christmas eve, hanging out in the same room, and sharing stories and insights. I was incredibly disappointed the year I got married and my husband put an end to that annual event...he had zero interest in sharing the room with my brother and I while we talked about details that would likely include him at that point. I grudgingly gave it up.
As I entered the workforce, I was surrounded by men. It's hard to be in tech companies and not be. And rather than feeling uncomfortable or intimidated, I was energized. These guys jumped right in and shared their ideas in meetings. They spoke with confidence and finesse. There was no timidness, or feelings of being unworthy that I saw in some of my female counterparts. I saw more of the males working hard and achieving what they set out to accomplish through hard work and a sense of fearlessness. That model resonated with me. So they became my friends.
And I have been fortunate; I have chosen wisely. My very good guy friends are just that - friends. We've known each other for years, and have always known where we stood with each other. When I met E, I had a gaggle of both men and women friends. One of the things that attracted me to him was that he wasn't threatened by it. And I tried hard never to take advantage. I included him in those friendships, and he got to know them. In essence, I never gave him anything to worry about - he knew they were truly just friends.
I had an incredible night just two days ago with one of my best girlfriends. When we spend time together we can literally cover the full range of emotions from tears to hysterical laughter in the course of 15 minutes. And on one random Wednesday night, we had one of the funniest after work drink experiences I've had in a long time. It was awesome. And likely never would have been as great if I had shared it with a guy.
Two days later, I was ironically in exactly the same bar tonight, with a guy friend of almost 20 years. We haven't seen each other in years; marriage, kids, work and lives make it far less convenient to keep in touch with guy friends than it does girl friends.
Within the course of minutes, we were deep into conversation like we had seen each other last week. And we shared things about a hundred different topics that candidly I probably wouldn't have been as comfortable discussing with some of my girlfriends. I think perhaps there is that air of non-judgment ease that comes with me. And that is not at all to suggest that all women are judgmental and all men aren't - it just means I feel like I can open up easier with a guy, because I don't feel as judged or analyzed. And typically speaking, I think - and I stress think because I have zero evidence of this - that men feel comfortable "going there" with me because I don't offend easily, and I am a pretty open book. If you want to ask my opinion on something, I'll give you a direct answer...it doesn't matter what the topic is.
I know there's been a raging debate for years about whether men and women can truly be friends, because one of them will always be attracted to the other and the relationship will fall out of balance. I disagree. I think if there is an understanding that it's a friendship only, and each person understands their role in that friendship, it's all good.
30+ years ago, my mother's only interaction with men outside of my father was the creepy guy who pumped gas at the service station, as well as the mail man. She certainly wasn't hitting these guys up for their insights or wisdom, or sharing ideas with them. I remember feeling bad for her because of this. Little did I know how significant that scene would play out later in my life.
I am absolutely blessed with the people in my life. I have some incredible women friends, as well as some guys I truly cherish. Like everything else in life, I believe balance is the key. With a crazy work and kids schedule right now, my life is slightly unbalanced - but I'm glad this is one place I've got balance down pretty well.
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