The concept of the "dirty mirror" is an analogy my friend and I conjured up when we were developing some leadership work to explain when someone has a lack of self awareness. As in, the mirror they look into is similar to a fun house mirror - the image is distorted due to their inability to see themselves clearly. Thus, the mirror becomes dirty.
I got called out, lovingly, by a number of people last night regarding my failure to accept help from the police officer when I broke my shoulder. (Day 95: When Fun & Charity Leads to Broken Bones). The comments essentially stated, "that is SO you," which if translated really means, "you know you are a complete pain in the ass, right?" Yeah, I own that.
We all have "stuff." And for people who happen to be reading this, you know I put my "stuff" out there pretty openly. I think part of the reason I am comfortable doing that is because I'm fairly self-aware. I am confident enough to know I have some good bits to me. But I am also savvy enough to understand what is uniquely me, for better or for worse. And some of those things are worth working on and changing. And some aren't, because they make me who I am. For example, that stubborn girl who wouldn't accept a ride in an ambulance may have seemed as though she was out to prove a point during that moment. And yet, zoom ahead to this past year, and that same independent spirit is what has allowed me to be able to manage through this divorce and single parenthood. I've needed to rely on that independence. Over time I've used Windex on my mirror, and it's become more clear when I need to ask for - and accept - help.
I look in my proverbial mirror often. I am frequent reassess mode to ensure that I am always open to new feedback, growing, and learning. With age and wisdom, I've learned that while I'm open to hearing from others, I don't need to agree with it. Or do it because they think I should. It takes conviction to know when to stay true to yourself. A woman friend shared a story about receiving some difficult feedback today. The advice given to her was to essentially "keep your ideas to yourself, because you are overstepping." We talked through her behaviors and anything else she could be doing to be upsetting the people who thought she was overstepping. She understands her style can be a bit challenging. And yet she also knows she is smart and capable of adding value. So should she really keep her mouth shut for fear of upsetting someone? She's decided not to. I applaud her. She knows herself - her mirror is clean. She is being mindful and sensitive to her potentially off-putting behavior, but also not going to let a fear of being told she may show up those above her get in her way of progress.
I know others who have absolutely no clue how the world views them. It's been interesting starting to discuss this concept with my kids. The full length mirrors in their bedrooms are covered with handwritten phrases like "YOLO" and "Some of the darkest nights have the brightest stars." They have so many of these little pieces of paper hanging around their mirrors, I have said, "You can't see yourself clearly." And then I explain I mean that both physically and metaphorically. It's important to me that my kids understand the universe doesn't revolve around just them. Of course, most kids think it does...but as we get older we all learn life isn't like that. And I want them to understand that, and be good life citizens NOW, not wait until they are adults to have to figure that out.
Think about your mirror. Do you have a good sense of self-awareness or is it time to do a little fall cleaning with your own bottle of Windex? I did a little this morning after a challenging conversation with someone - it left me really questioning something about myself. It's hard work, understanding your good, bad and ugly and understanding the thoughts, emotions, words and behaviors associated with that. And yet when your mirror is clear, you have an increased capacity to make positive changes in your life. A that doesn't just benefit you - if benefits everyone you interact with.
No comments:
Post a Comment